Five Rules of Temping

Armed with a college degree from a good school in Southern California, I go—day by day—to different major corporations, time card in hand, job assignment in tote. This Renaissance woman punches a clock, earning big bucks for a temp agency and getting request upon request for Monday-morning returns. The good news is that I get to wear the same outfit over and over again.

There are rules for a temp:

•       Always—I mean, always—bring something to do in your spare time, but make sure it’s not a book. You can use Microsoft Word to write that letter to your health insurance company you’ve been wanting to write, or you can figure out your monthly budget; but you can never, ever—not in a million fiscal years—open up a book and turn its delicate pages. That’s a temping no-no. But know this, and know it well: it’s better to keep busy than to sit around and twiddle your thumbs. Look industrious, not like a lazy ass.

•       Don’t go out of your way to look for projects. You may think it’s your job to efficiently and quickly complete tasks and then chase after your transitory supervisors with a self-deprecatory willingness to complete a dozen more meaningless jobs, but it isn’t. The truth of the matter is that your ephemeral superiors only want to keep you out of their hair. So do what they tell you and do it well, but that’s it. One additional Is there something else you’d like me to do? is fine, but don’t go overboard. Say no to displays of false humility.

•       Don’t be sexy. Dress professionally, not glamorously. Wear your glasses instead of your contacts. Part your hair in the middle. Go for the same rounded-toe, scuffed flats every single day. You don’t want to make anyone turn his or her head, and you don’t want anyone to be jealous either.

•       If you’re educated, let it slip unpretentiously. Read Charles Dickens in the break room. Accidentally leave your Picasso date book by the water fountain. Carry around copies of the Economist. Say intelligent things about the House of Representatives.

•       Be sure to mention you temp for a particular reason. You temp, but you really write. You temp, but you’re also a cellist. You temp to save money for a trip to Florence to study art in monasteries. That sort of thing. Temping must never be an end in itself.

Why should you hint at your secret intelligence, your devotion to the classics, your plans to join the Peace Corps? People like smart temps, temps with goals. They don’t like glamorous or buxom temps.

At least, these things work for me… .

Respectfully submitted,

Sybil Weatherfield

{Excerpted from LOVE SLAVE by Jennifer Spiegel, published by Unbridled Books. Click to read more.}